AUNTY AND UNCLE- YOU ARE IMPORTANT
We grew up with the famous founding principle of parenting in black communities that ‘it takes a village’, and what that simply meant is that parenting and raising a child does not end with the parents, but rather it is a perfect yet balanced collaboration of extended family members landing a help when the parents need a second to breathe, it extends to granny pausing her life entirely to come live with the parents full time to help raise the child as they navigate going back to work at the end of maternity and paternity leave. It takes a village even extends to us, aunties and uncles who love these kids as if they are biologically our own. The depth of our love for them even scares us at times, because like the parents, we never knew we could love and care for others to these lengths and depths until we met our nieces and nephews.
The aunty and uncle might not be privy of the day-to-day challenges of raising these beautiful but often time chaotic angels, granted, but that should not make you undermine the importance of the role you play. We want to give language to this role, so that we can meaningfully show up for our babies and most importantly show up for our siblings (aka the rents) so that they are constantly reassured that they are never alone- it indeed takes a village
YOU ARE ALREADY DOING GREAT, SO HERE ARE SOME ADDITIONAL TIPS TO KEEP ON SHOWING UP WITH INTENTION
1. THE ONLY CURRENCY THAT MATTERS IN A BABIES WORLD IS YOUR PRESENCE, NOT PRESENTS
· Yes, the gifts are a nice added touch, all the cool toys you can buy for them are the cherry on top, but the only currency that really matters in their world is time spent with them, you being fully present in the little and big moments. Nothing really beats that. It leads to deeper trust as our babies grow and healthier relationships that exude true closeness. So that’s it, let’s spend more time with our nieces and nephews, even those constant boring video calls with little humans who can barely communicate will go a long way
2. OUR PRIMARY JOB IS TAKING CARE AND SHOWING UP FOR THE PARENTS, THEIR KIDS COME AFTER
· Even though as deputy parents we love our kids deeply, the reality is we are not there on a daily basis. We do not carry the burdens and difficulties that the parents do on daily basis. We help where we can, but they still have to navigate this path on their own. Therefore, the greatest kind of love you can display for those babies is fully showing up for their parents, checking up on them consistently, offering to help in tough seasons, helping with school drop-offs when days are darker than usual. We hold space for our siblings when their cups are empty, so that their kids are never negatively impacted because of that temporary vacuum
3. QUICKLY LEARN BOUNDARIES
· In this show we have graciously been allowed to star in, we are never the lead actors. We are the support staff in every way possible (not even support actors- just support staff in production). Learn not to impose your idealistic parenting styles, values or opinions on the parents- share where you are concerned but never impose. I struggled with this principle for so long with my babies (still talking about my nieces and nephews and younger cousins in fact, lol) because the love and concern I have for them, and the deep desire to be part of their lives made me ignore the lines of boundaries, constantly had to remind myself that I am part of the support staff and I take the direction of the lead cast (mommy and daddy)
The overriding tip however is this, keep on pouring that unconditional love you have for those sweet babies, keep on showing up for parents meaningfully so that they see through you that indeed it takes a village.
Lastly you are important uncle and aunty- the difference you make in these kids’ lives does not go unnoticed.
With Love
An Aunty who loves Amo, Shimi, Rea, Tlotli, Tshepi, Karabo, Owe, Uya and Neo,Phawu with her whole heart!
Lerato M